Who among us hasn’t stumbled into an innocent-but-ill-considered game of competitive naked billiards every now and again? Yeah … neither have I. Although I suspect an invitation might be pending, for research purposes.
Following Prince Harry’s recent “Fear OF Clothing in Las Vegas” incident, I honestly found myself astounded he has learned so little since his 2002 photographic outing in a Nazi SS Halloween costume or his more recent video tirade against people of Middle Eastern cultures. Seriously, where is the Royal Palace’s public affairs team? Have they taught this man-boy nothing?
Clearly they have not.
Therefore, in service to Her Royal Majesty’s government and Regal Personage – and in acknowledgement of the “Special Relationship” of our two countries – I offer Lt. Wales the following public relations advice for managing his Royal Person:
- One should not strip down at any public or private function unless One’s bodyguards or “Wing Men” have searched for and confiscated all electronic devices of the guests in advance… to protect the Crown Jewels, of course.
- One must remember, as a Royal, nothing is off the record.
- One must not pick up random “hot chicks” in a Vegas hotel lobby. Nothing in Vegas stays in Vegas. Ask any Urologist.
- In managing the Royal message in such circumstances, One might help defuse the situation by citing if One actually won the competitive naked billiards match in question.
- One must now do two or three select TV interviews explaining One’s Self after first having conferred with comedy writers such as Tina Fey, Seth Myer, or whoever handled Hugh Grant’s appearances in the early 90s.
- One must, finally, grow up.
This advice I offer free of charge to His Royal Highness in the sincere hope He will act on said advice. We hope, as well, He will now put his big boy pants back on and work to become a functional and responsible adult.
God save His tailor!